you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
