Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
