He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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