There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
