just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
