The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
