I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
