I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
