You made me cry and you don't even care
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
