Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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