her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
