Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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