Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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