loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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