He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
