two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
