I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this boner is exhausting
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
