We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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