dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
