Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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