i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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