Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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