So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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