I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
