ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
