Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
