My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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