Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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