yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
