I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
