woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
