I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
