brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
