exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
