So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
