Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The power of my boobs compel you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
