I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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