I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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