omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
