so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
