So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
