So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't put those talents on a resume
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
