woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Found your dick twin last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
