This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
