She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
