Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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