right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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