Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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