Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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