I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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