My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
