Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
