so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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