i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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