What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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