I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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