Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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