Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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