i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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