It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
