dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
