i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
