Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
