Apparently you make a good broom.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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