Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is classic penis vs brain.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
