Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize