I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
