Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
