i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
