She said her name was "party"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
