I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
