Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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