I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
