Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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