there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
