there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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