you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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