I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
