there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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