I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
