Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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