Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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