Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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