so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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