she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
