After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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