They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
